This is a hard day for me to think about writing. I know what is coming up and the beginning of this Biography will be hurtful to some, at least one person for sure. She stood by my Grandfather even after he passed and refused to believe anything bad about him, and she really did not see the bad when it was in front of her face for many years. I am resolved to be as honest as I can be when writing this. To lie or omit much of this would be wrong because what I want to accomplish is to show others they are not alone. That we all have issues with family and that some of us have had difficult lives and we overcome or let it drag us down, until our lives are out of control. After all I believe that many of the issues from my childhood shaped who my Mother became, who I became and ultimately who my children have become and who they will be. I deeply apologize to the person who will be the most hurt by what I will say about my Grandfather. We have had our many falling outs, even at this time we do not speak. But I don't want her feelings to be hurt. She was loved by him and spoiled beyond belief. My words at times will be harsh because they will reflect my feelings about certain things that happen. And the one thing I want everyone to know is that these are my memories my perspective and I will be specific about what I definitely remember and tell you if my memory is fuzzy about something or if it is second or third hand information. And some names may be difficult for me to remember, so I will let the reader know when that happens. I also have a problem with speaking ill of the dead in any manner whatsoever. I have pondered this and decided that what can be gained is more important in this situation. I will try to be gentle. This will be very hard. I am procrastinating so here goes nothing.
My Father,
I am starting out with my Dad and get it out of the way. He plays such a small role in my life and by having such a small role it turned out to be a major role. I discussed his parents yesterday, my knowledge is limited. My Mother's parents were a much larger part of my life and I have more information because of that, therefore my writing will be unbalanced as far as the family tree.
I know that same sex parents are the most influential on children. But both parents are essential. My father was in my life for the first 4-5 years, I am not quite sure how my Mom and Dad met but it seems it was some party of sorts, because from what my Mom said they were doing nothing but partying. Like her Mother before her, my Mom met my Father when she had already given birth to a child. A daughter when she was 18. My mother apparently had a one night stand with a man she describes as being gorgeous, she said he was Italian and had dark skin. I remember she knew his first name at least but I do not know that now. Although she had given birth to a daughter when she was 18 she gave her up for adoption to her parents, just as her Mother had done for her when she was a child. I was a surprise, and what made my Mom and Dad get married quickly as far as I know. My sister came along so soon she is the same age as I for 1 week out of the year. My brother is 4 years younger than I. My Mom and Dad divorced when I was 5 or 6, and that was the last I saw of him until I was 17, and one other time when I was 22 or 23. My Dad remained in Indiana and my Mother took us to Montana where we stayed. My Dad continued to procreate as I will explain later.
My Grandfather on my Mothers side,
This is where things get tough. My Grandfather was quite a guy and there is so much to be said. And believe me there is so much I still don't know and never will. I am going to try to leave this a more of just the family tree part of him because he will be in my story quite a bit and you will get to know who he was later on.
I explained where he came from and I think he was a creation. What I know is his name was Carlton Patterson, but his nickname was Pat and he went by that for his entire life as far as I know. He had a privileged life, was very spoiled, and he had so many issues, my Mom said he was such a heart break for his parents. They loved him and spoiled him so much. They bailed him out of any trouble he ever got into, gave him whatever he wanted and I believe left everything they had to him when they passed. I know he squandered it all and he even eventually sold his parents funeral plots and had them buried in a cheaper plot. They had purchased plots together when they were alive, in a particularly expensive site. I remember hearing how upset my Mom was about that when I was still a child and I heard about it for years. I don't know how my Grandfather and Ann eventually split up but I do know the next wife I knew and who was my "step Grandmother" for years, was Carol, and she had 2 daughters already when she married Pat, and was just a couple of years older than my Mother. Carol and Pat adopted Michelle from my Mother when she was a baby. Carol's other 2 daughters were older Christia, who was maybe 5 to 7 years older than Michelle and Dawn who was just a year or two older than Christia. They all lived in Montana when I was growing up, because when my Mom and Dad went through their divorce my Mom sent Jennifer and I to Montana with our Grandparents I was 5 and Jennifer was 4, and Kurtis my little brother stayed behind with Mom because he was a baby about a year old.
After going over the few childhood memories I have in Indiana, I will be starting my story, and it basically will be starting with Pat and Carol, going to Montana and the year we spent with them until my mother arrived from Indiana and took us back in with her. This is was a trying time, it seems they were trying to retrain us and get rid of the behaviors they did not like. I will wrap this up for now. And leave you with that bit of a teaser.
I was so stressed about starting today because I was going to start talking about my Grandfather Pat. I was psyching myself out for no reason. Today was just an introduction to my Grandfather, and I left it as such because he is a part of my life story and I will be writing about him a lot. I just hope to be as respectful as possible and be strong and get through it kind of how I did it so long ago. I was just a child though and wish I knew all the things I know now. I was unprotected, vulnerable, scared, and alone. It may not have seemed that way at the time but that is sadly the way I felt. I grew up and still can feel myself back in those moments in time. It is almost like watching a movie or reading a book, like it happened to someone else and that makes it a bit easier to put the words down. I know soon people will understand why this is so hard for me. Eventually you will see why I separate my life into a few different parts. I don't like being a whiner because I have always thought about how many people who have much worse experiences. That is why I say these memories are from my perspective and from a child's perspective at times, and they were and sometimes are my true feelings, and may not be someone else's. So I hope that none of my family takes it to hard when I have to write some things. And I also hope that by writing this way I will hear from some of my relatives who may be able to fill in some blanks or straighten out the fuzzy areas. Again I want to thank all of you who want to read my writings and who have so many nice things to say.
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